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Amid Israel’s war in Gaza, there is talk of drafting yeshivah students into the army to bolster its ranks. On Shavuot, we celebrate the anniversary of receiving the Torah, so I want to write about the role of Torah in war. The Torah is not just a dusty old book …

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Home » Family Life

Family Life: Discipline in Marriage

Submitted by on November 6, 2005 – 4:06 amNo Comment | 2,728 views

Uplifting Limitations

When Torah
discipline is applied to family relations we see its astonishing
impact. Torah limits our choice of spouses (to Jews only) and also
regulates the timing of intimacy between approved spouses.

According to
Torah, husband and wife may not engage in intimate relations during the
course of menstrual flow, and seven days following.

Stoking the Fire

Our tendency to
grow bored with routine can wreak havoc on a marriage. Notwithstanding
the passion and attraction in a relationship spouses grow weary of each
other precisely because they are so regularly and immediately available
to each other.

many people seek stimulation outside of their marriage. Through the
Torah method, of physically abstaining from each other for regular
periods, we create within the marriage the very same excitement that is
sought in outside of it.

When we subject
ourselves to the Torah’s cycle we charge our marriage with anticipatory
passion. The couple experiences a continual ebb and flow. The
separation period creates longing and pent-up desire that find release
in the monthly, love-charged, reunion.


The artificial distance imposed upon the marriage generates a vitality that keeps the relationship alive.

New Channels of Love

The prohibition
against physical expression of love during the separation period also
forces the couple to find new and deeper expresses of their feelings
for each other. Love charged energy that passes between them must now
find release in shared interests, discussion and activity.

One should view
the two weeks of intimacy as a time to channel love through physical
expression and the other two weeks as a time to channel love through
emotional and intellectual expression.

This is truly a
time of mutual exploration. Many couples discover mutual interests,
that they would have never considered during the other part of the
month, thereby enriching the relationship.

after a quarrel, spouses often tend to hold and comfort each other.
This is therapeutic because the anger is washed away by physical
stimulation but sometimes the offensive issue is left unresolved.

When physical
interaction is not possible couples are forced to work through their
issues and find equitable and lasting solutions