Do You Have Everything?

This week, we read about the birth of Jacob’s children. Twelve of his thirteen children were born in this week’s Torah portion. Jacob’s children all followed their father’s lead, unlike his father and grandfather. Abraham had Ishmael, Isaac had Esau, and Jacob had thirteen children who emulated him.

We don’t raise children; we raise adults. Our objective is not just for our children to observe our Jewish traditions and love Judaism while living in our home. Our objective is for them to embrace this path when they become adults. We hope our children will build a home as Jewishly warm and vibrant as the one we gave them in their youth.

Be A Living Example
This begs the question, what can we as parents do to motivate them? The answer is to model Judaism. A parent once came to his rabbi and asked what he can do to ensure that his children grow up to be Torah students. The rabbi replied, make sure that your children see you studying Torah in the home. Arrange to host Torah classes in the home, make sure your study partners come over to your place. Let your children see their father studying Torah with joy. This way, they are likely to follow in your footsteps.

They tell a story about two Yeshivah friends who took different paths in life. One became a teacher in a Yeshivah the other became a physician. When their children grew older, they noticed a funny thing. The rabbi’s children became accountants and entrepreneurs, the physician’s children became rabbis. They wondered how that came to be until they figured it out.

The rabbi studied Torah all day in the Yeshivah and came home to take care of the house business. He paid the bills, balanced the checking account, etc. The physician worked all day and came home to study Torah with a study partner. The children did precisely what they say their fathers do. The rabbi’s children saw their father doing business, so they went into business. The physician’s children saw their father studying Torah so they studied Torah.

Model Love of Judaism
That is how we teach our children to practice Judaism. How do we teach our children to love Judaism? Once again, the answer comes back to modeling. First, we must love Judaism ourselves. Then, we can impart this love to our children.

We must try to display our enthusiasm and excitement for a Mitzvah. Our children must see us coming home before Pesach with a bright smile and light step. They need to hear us talking excitedly about the upcoming holiday and the rituals we can’t wait to enjoy.

Our children need to see that we love Shabbat. We need to come home on Friday in a wonderful mood. We need to clean and cook for Shabbat with a lively tune. We need to come to the Shabbat table singing and dancing. Our children need to hear us say constantly and regularly, Oh, how I love Shabbat.

Our sages taught that our forefather Jacob sang Psalms as he worked in the field. No one worked harder than Jacob. In his own words, the sun beat down on him during the day, and the frost ate at him at night. He worked hard; his life was difficult, but it was not a burden. His children saw that he was happy. And guess what? They each followed in his footsteps. They did not opt for an easy life, they became shepherds just like their father because they wanted the happiness they saw in him.

If we are truly happy and show our children how happy we are, they will do whatever we do to become happy. If it worked for their father, they will assume it will work for them, and they will do it, too.

One day, a Jew visited the Lubavitcher Rebbe and complained that though he was fully observant, none of his children had continued in his path. He concluded his tale of woe with the famous Yiddish aphorism, es iz shver tzi zein a yid—it is difficult to be a Jew. This aphorism was extremely popular among Orthodox Jewish immigrants from Europe in the prewar days.

The Rebbe asked if his children often heard him say this aphorism. The man confirmed that they did. The Rebbe asked how he might ever expect his children to embrace a difficult way of life. Instead, the Rebbe advised him, let your children hear you say, es iz gut tzu zein a Yid—it is good to be a Jew.

No one volunteers for a burden. Everyone volunteers for a gift. If we treat Judaism like a burden, if our children hear us grumble and complain, they are unlikely to embrace it. If we treat Judaism like a gift, our children are very likely to embrace it. If they see us revel in Shabbat, cherish a lulav, marvel over a Seder, rush to do a Mitzvah, hurry to a Torah study class, or be delighted to give Tzedakah, they will do it, too.

Worthwhile
They won’t think Judaism is easy. Everyone knows it is easier to sit at home and do nothing than build a Sukah or clean the house for Pesach. It is easier to shop at your neighborhood supermarket than to shlep to the kosher grocery store or ship in kosher meat from afar. No one thinks Judaism is easy. But no one backs off a life choice because it is hard. People back off life choices because they are not worthwhile.

Being a millionaire or running a Fortune 500 company is not easy, but it is rewarding. The easy path is rarely rewarding. Reward comes with effort. Our children won’t be afraid of effort. They will be afraid of an unworthy and unrewarding lifestyle. If we show them how rewarding Judaism is, they will embrace it.

Shloime Daskal, a renowned Jewish singer, was in the airport in Florida with his family on their way home to New York. His children were hungry, but they had no kosher food with them. Their gate was just across from a restaurant, and the aroma of the steaks wafted across to them. His children complained that non-Jews are lucky. They get to eat wherever they go in the world, while Jews are stuck eating only where there is kosher food.

Shloime searched for the right words. He wanted this to be a teachable moment in which his children learned the value of overcoming a challenge. He took them for a stroll to escape the aroma of the restaurant. They passed a large screen showing a football game. Children, he said, tell me why the teams are fighting each other. Can’t they agree to take turns running the ball into their respective end zones?

The children explained that the entire game was about competition and challenge. They said there is no achievement in winning without challenge and opposition. The whole point is to overcome the challenge; only then will you win.

Shloime’s face broke out in a wide grin as his children gave him the perfect words. My children, he said, the same is true of Judaism. If Kosher food were available everywhere, eating kosher would not be an achievement. It would not be a victory. These difficulties are not designed to make your life difficult. They are designed to give you a challenge. The challenge enables you to win.

If the challenge leads to winning, our children will embrace it. If it only leads to difficulties, they will reject our way of life. Let’s show them not only how to overcome the challenge but also how to do it with joy, revel in the victory, and enjoy the entire process, including the challenge. When life gets tough, don’t let your children see you grow depressed. Shake it off and show them joy because joy is infectious.

If you love Judaism and rejoice over it, your children will, too.