Let Your Child Go
The Torah portion we read this week discusses Moses pleading for his life five hundred and fifteen times before G-d told him to stop because his plea would not be granted (Deuteronomy 3:23–26). The Midrash (Tanchuma, Vaetchanan Chapter 6) relates that Moses begged the angels in charge of the heaven and earth, the stars and planets, the mountains and hills to plead his case, but they all turned him down.
He begged the sea, but the sea replied, “What’s with you, Moses. There was a time when, with a wave of your staff, you split me into twelve channels, and I couldn’t resist because G-d was with you. Now you are pleading for my assistance?” Moses cried and said, “When I saw you last, I was king of the world. Today I plead and am ignored.”
Moses asked the ministering angels to plead for him, and the angel replied, “Why all this bother, Moses? I heard it decreed that your request will be denied. Moses placed his face in his hands and cried without letup until G-d was angered. G-d said, “Moses, I made two promises—one that the Jews would live, the other that you would die. I can’t keep both. Which do you choose?”
Moses replied, “G-d, you plot against me by holding both ends of the rope. May a thousand Moses die and may not a single Jew perish.”
This heart-rending story is riddled with questions. Why was Moses so desperate to live? Why was G-d angered when Moses cried? Why did G-d grant Him a choice between him and the people?
For the Jews
Moses was a true shepherd of Israel, and a faithful shepherd cares only for his flock. When Moses descended from Mount Sinai, he always went directly to the people and never prioritized his needs. For Moses, the people were always first (Rashi Exodus 19:14). Here too, his desire was to live for the sake of his people.
Throughout his life, Moses hoped to nurture and mentor his people to be firmly committed to G-d. Nevertheless, the people kept tripping up. They worshipped a golden calf, they believed the false report of the spies, they grumbled about the lack of meat, they complained about the Manna, the list is long. Each time Moses advocated for them, G-d forgave them.
Moses worried correctly that this pattern would continue after his passing when the Jews would enter Israel. If he were not there to advocate for them and to inspire them, what would become of them? They would eventually run out of merit and would lose the land.
Moses, therefore, yearned to enter Israel with them. Moses thought the time had come for him to go for broke. Instead of teaching the people how to worship G-d consistently, Moses would enter Israel, where he would worship G-d intensely for several years.[1] This way, the Jewish presence in Israel would be firm, and they wouldn’t be dislodged. If the people couldn’t fix their minds on G-d, Moses would do it for them.
Moses was confident that, given several years of his worship of G-d in Israel, the standing of the Jews in Israel would be forever solidified. Moreover, just seeing Moses living his Judaism with such passion and ecstasy would ignite a fire in their souls. Just seeing Moses praying with such devotion and heart would inspire and uplift them. Just seeing Moses tremble in awe before G-d would inculcate reverence for G-d in their hearts. Just seeing Moses observing every Mitzvah scrupulously would fortify their commitment to do the same.
Moses knew in his heart that if he were given two or three years with them in Israel, in the sacred atmosphere of the holy land, he would make a huge difference. Even if he would not inspire them, Moses could single-handedly solidify the Jewish connection to the land through his devotion.
From Within
When Moses would not let up even after hearing that G-d would not grant his wish, G-d was angered. Moses thought he cared for the Jews more than G-d but missed the point. As much as Moses wanted to help the Jews, G-d knew that the Jews would be better off without Moses.
You see, when a charismatic, dynamic, magnetic, compelling leader sweeps you off your feet and inspires you to great heights, it is not you that is inspired. It is this profound mentor working his magic on you. When the moment passes, and this great mystic departs, your inspiration will fade. It won’t last. Inspiration can only be transformative if it comes from within. If it is authentic, not just ambient inspiration picked up rubbing shoulders with someone special, it will endure.
G-d said to Moses, “Don’t you see you missed the point?” I took two oaths, one that you would perish, the other that Jews would live. An oath is fixed and permanent. It connotes endurance. G-d said, I want the Jewish people’s inspiration and love of G-d to be enduring. For that, it is critical that you not enter Israel with them. So long as you are with them, they will ride the coattails of your inspiration. If you remain behind, they will have no choice but to stumble and rise, stumble and rise again until they learn their lesson. Until they learn how to be self-inspired.
When Moses heard that, he knew G-d was right. G-d, he said, you cooked the books and made it impossible for me to enter the land with them. If I enter, they will never grow up. For them to grow up spiritually, I need to stay behind.
Moses finally realized that the best thing for him was to let go. He had nurtured and raised the Jews for forty years, and the time had come for him to let go so they could stand on their own feet. He had to let them walk away. This is the most challenging task for a parent. Yet letting our children walk away is the most loving thing we can do as parents. It feels like abandonment, but it is really empowerment.
Letting Our Child Go
We each have a little child within that doesn’t believe we are capable of excelling, of reaching the top, of widening the gap. This little child is wary of commitment and hard work. It prefers to live quietly in the background rather than step up and take a leading role. Leadership, says our little inner child, is for others who are capable of leadership. We are just children. We can’t do that much. We can’t take on that much.
Sometimes it feels like nurturing this inner child and letting them have their way is the best thing we can do for them. But that is a fallacy. The best thing we can do is encourage them to go beyond their comfort zone. Test the waters and you will see that you can float. Keep floating until you discover that you have the courage and stamina. Hold your inner child’s hand and give him a loving pep talk, then let go and tell him to walk. Tell them to keep walking until they reach the top. It is the most loving thing you can do.[2]
[1] See Talmud, Sotah 14a that Moses yearned to enter Israel to perform the commandments that can only be performed in Israel. Shem Mishmuel interprets this teaching as presented in this essay.
[2] This essay is based on Rabbi Shmuel Bornstein, Shem Mishmuel Vaetchanan 5675. See Likutei Torah Devarim pp. 2a–3a for a similar explanation by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi.
